Post by Smoke on Jul 28, 2009 2:16:59 GMT -6
The things women do.
>>
>> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
>> easy,
>> painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
>> wax..
>> Read on.........
>>
>> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
>> play
>> with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
>> painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
>>
>> 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I
>> headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>>
>> It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
>> you
>> just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
>> them
>> apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
>> hair
>> right off.
>>
>> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I
>> am
>> mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
>> (YA THINK!?!)
>>
>> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
>> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
>> I
>> get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
>>
>> ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
>> skin
>> around it tight and pull. It works!
>>
>> OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
>> this!
>> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
>> body
>> hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>>
>> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
>> sneak
>> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
>> drop
>> my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure,
>> I
>> apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering
>> the
>> right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt
>> cheek
>> (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
>> myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>>
>> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
>>
>> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
>> strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPPP! Everything is
>> spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
>> conscious...must
>> stay conscious.
>>
>> Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>>
>> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
>> me
>> so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
>> the
>> glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's
>> no
>> hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>>
>> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
>> the
>> hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am
>> touching wax.
>>
>> I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
>> covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next
>> BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I
>> know I
>> need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>>
>> Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
>>
>> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
>> think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
>> pop
>> off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
>>
>> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
>> stand
>> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax
>> should
>> melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>>
>> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
>> torture
>> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>>
>> Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
>> together,
>> is having them glued together and then glued to the
>> bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,
>> doesn't
>> melt cold wax.
>>
>> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
>> myself
>> to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
>> convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>>
>> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>> secret
>> of how to get me undone. It's a very good
>> conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to
>> the
>> bottom of the tub!'
>>
>> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
>> but
>> she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
>> where
>> the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'
>>
>> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
>> and
>> she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
>>
>> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>>
>> While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the
>> wax
>> off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your
>> girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in
>> super
>> hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>>
>> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
>> I'm
>> pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for
>> this
>> event.
>>
>> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
>> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
>> really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>>
>> The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>> friend.
>> It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
>> 'IT WORKS!! It works !!'
>>
>> I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
>> successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
>> grief
>> and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
>>
>> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
>> I
>> could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>>
>> Next week .... I'm going to try hair color...
>>
>>
>> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
>> easy,
>> painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
>> wax..
>> Read on.........
>>
>> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
>> play
>> with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
>> painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
>>
>> 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I
>> headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>>
>> It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
>> you
>> just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
>> them
>> apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
>> hair
>> right off.
>>
>> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I
>> am
>> mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
>> (YA THINK!?!)
>>
>> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
>> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
>> I
>> get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
>>
>> ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
>> skin
>> around it tight and pull. It works!
>>
>> OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
>> this!
>> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
>> body
>> hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>>
>> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
>> sneak
>> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
>> drop
>> my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure,
>> I
>> apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering
>> the
>> right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt
>> cheek
>> (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
>> myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>>
>> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
>>
>> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
>> strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPPP! Everything is
>> spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
>> conscious...must
>> stay conscious.
>>
>> Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>>
>> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
>> me
>> so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
>> the
>> glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's
>> no
>> hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>>
>> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
>> the
>> hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am
>> touching wax.
>>
>> I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
>> covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next
>> BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I
>> know I
>> need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>>
>> Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
>>
>> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
>> think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
>> pop
>> off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
>>
>> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
>> stand
>> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax
>> should
>> melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>>
>> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
>> torture
>> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>>
>> Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
>> together,
>> is having them glued together and then glued to the
>> bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,
>> doesn't
>> melt cold wax.
>>
>> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
>> myself
>> to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
>> convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>>
>> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
>> secret
>> of how to get me undone. It's a very good
>> conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to
>> the
>> bottom of the tub!'
>>
>> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
>> but
>> she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly
>> where
>> the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'
>>
>> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
>> and
>> she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
>>
>> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>>
>> While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the
>> wax
>> off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your
>> girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in
>> super
>> hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>>
>> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
>> I'm
>> pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for
>> this
>> event.
>>
>> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
>> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
>> really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>>
>> The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
>> friend.
>> It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
>> 'IT WORKS!! It works !!'
>>
>> I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
>> successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
>> grief
>> and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
>>
>> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
>> I
>> could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>>
>> Next week .... I'm going to try hair color...
>>
And so my week begins.