Keep Pam in your thoughts & prayers..

[Smoke]

I haven't heard from her yet but Pam had this posted on Facebook...

In ER with Kara after she fell skiing. Surgery tomorrow If you pray I would appreciate one for her.

Compound fracture of her clavicle, concussion and a very bruised body. She is in so much pain its just killing me. She ran into a fence while trying to avoid a little girl who fell in front of her.

I knew I should have gotten her that rabbits foot & 4 leaf clover for Christmas.

[fish]

ok, will do.

Kara should be ok, thank God.

but Pam has the visions of disaster before her eyes.

keep us posted.

after things calm down, maybe i'll tell the war story about skiing into the tree, the black blood story.

two compressed vertebrae, 8 ribs in 13 places, flail chest, collapsed lung, etc.

as i lay on a gurney and while they were cutting my clothes off, a guy comes up with a clipboard and asks: "who are your next of kin ?"

i asked him if i was dying, and he said that they did not know.

tube thoracotomy, black blood.

it's a good story.

and i lived.

Kara will be ok.

it has to be a set back for Pam.

very too bad.

fish

[fish]

guess i already told the black blood tale last year. never mind.

a ski patroler friend of mine says that the most dangerous things on the mountain are the "grapes" that hang in little bunches on the sides of the hill while working up the courage to start down again. one never knows when one of these grapes is going to detach from the bunch of grapes and careen across the fall line. grapes, by the way, never look up the slope to check if someone is coming down.

one is on a run, one has chosen a line, it is clear, one has just set an edge, and suddenly there is a skiier from nowhere right in the path.

people get killed.

i stopped downhill skiing on weekends and holidays years before i gave the sport up. there were too many people, too many grapes.

anyhow, while it's bad that Kara is injured, thank God that Kara's injuries are not more severe.

[Pam]

Hey guys I just wanted to give you an update.

ER doc had told us she would need surgery Monday..this happened on Sunday. I actually picked Sunday in the afternoon so there wouldnt be a lot of skiers. There was hardly anyone there. If I could still ski it would have been perfect. They wanted to night ski so we got there in time for them to get to know the runs, they stuck to the easy ones. And it happened just as you said fish, little girl came out of no where from behind her, wiped out and Kara tried to avoid her.

So call her doc on Monday, make several calls to find an orthopod who can see her and finally find one. Just so happens he was named Top Doc in Minnesota...several years in a row.

They told there that they would have done surgery that day because number one, they would want to wait for swelling to go down and number 2 they usually dont have to operate on these breaks. Karas is complicated though so she stands a good chance that they may.

She goes in tomorrow afternoon. She is in so much pain it is just killing me. She is bruised from head to toe, literally. Everything hurts and its hard for her to walk...she hurt her hip, she has a bruise that starts on her hip and goes up her back to almost her shoulder.

It makes me wonder how much pain Ryan was in. Obviously he was in a lot of pain, I know that. I wasnt there for him....thank god I was there for Kara.

While in the ER just as we were leaving she turned grey...I was sitting on the bed next to her. I have only seen one other person look like that...Ryan. I almost passed out. They rechecked her and told me it was the morphine, shock, pain, etc. By the time we got home she was better.

I have been having a hell of a time dealing with Ryans accident lately. Started having panic attacks, a couple real bad and a whole lot more I have been able to control by breathing...I got that from the book you recommended to me fish during my divorce.

I am trying to be strong. I am exhausted, physically and emotionally but I will get through..we will get through.

I'll let you know what we find out tomorrow.

[Smoke]

Thx for the update Pam. Please keep us posted on how you guys are doing.

This is just my 2 cents but I think pain may actually be a good thing. Me personally I don't think Ryan was in alot of pain..The body has a remarkable defense system that will shut down when you reach the point of that much pain. I'm not in anyway trying to make it sound like Ryans accident was any less horrific than it was, I just think that part was taken care of.

Fish is absolutly right that Kara's accident could have been alot worse. I'm sure she will pull through fine, she's a tough kid.

[Pam]

Kara is scheduled for surgery on wednesday. Just can't believe they couldn't get her in sooner. She is still in a lot of pain.

If I could I'd like to think out loud here. Before this happened I was just having a hell of a time dealing with Ryans death, more than usual. So did God let this happen so I would be forced to shift my focus? If so then once again I have caused pain for my kids.why does he keep using them?

I go through periods of feeling completely defeated mixed with times of being determined to get through this.

Tomorrow marks 23 months without my baby. The thought of even another day without him...sometimes I wonder how I will make it. I do though, somehow.

My niece made a slide show/video for my sister in laws bday tomorrow. At the end all the kids wished her a happy birthday...I was so jealous. She has all her kids. Ryans best friend wished his mom a happy bday on Facebook. He was so much like Ryan. Has a similar relationship with his mom that Ry and I have. I felt so angry and jealous and so very very sad reading his message. Ill never get a message like that from Ryan again. I just don't know how to come to terms with that.

Therapy was/is ok but I think I'm now ready and really need the support of parents who are walking this walk.

Not really looking for a response I just needed someone to talk too. I don't like to burden Jack with this all the time though I will tell you, though he has his faults he is a wonderful husband and amazing dad to 3 kids he didn't have to be.