Remember me?

[Pam]

Hey guys. I'm not not here (yep I know that's terrible grammar) because I don't want to be. My parents require almost full time care and I'm the only one who helps them out. Well me and Kara. She is an angel but nearing her breaking point. I think I surpassed mine.

It draining physically, mentally and every other way there is. They are not easy to please. Sometimes it just doesn't matter what I do it's not good enough

I could really use some words of wisdom.

I have siblings who do nothing. They just moved and Kara and I have done everything. We still have more to do plus a 20' pod to unpack. They moved into a townhouse. There is no room for all this stuff. Told them they need the pod delivered on a day everyone can help, I was told everyone else is busy sigh.

I'm honestly not sure how to handle this. I can't just let them fend for themselves. Dad is on dialysis and weak as hell and mom has back surgery this Wednesday. School is starting and now I have to get kids to school and to moms everyday. Honestly I don't have a clue how I am going to do all this.

So I'm with you guys in spirit. I'll post when/if I can get a workout in.

I miss you guys!!!!

[fish]

not good.

small comfort to know that it is also not unusual.

my impression is that there is no simple answer, but only the usual toolbox of uncomfortable fixes that have to be tried one by one to find the one that fits.

i believe that there are actually support groups for folks whose folks are in very demanding circumstances.

i'll look.

[Pam]

Thanks fish.

Mom had surgery yesterday. It went well. It's going to be a longish recovery though.

I want to cry. It's so hard being pleasant with my brother when he feels absolutely no responsibility to help. Yet my dad tells him yesterday that he has duck decoys of my grandpas he can have....sigh....it's not the stuff, it is part that my brother and sister have gotten everything with any sentimental value, but it's mostly that I am completely overlooked. I was offered an old ugly comfotor. Again, it's not the stuff, I know it sounds like it, but it really isn't it's just...I am there every single day, shopping, cleaning, making meals, care taking.

It's just difficult. And draining. But I do love them.....

[Smoke]

There is a chip missing somewhere...They really don't think that they are doing anything wrong...My Brother does it all the time. It just sucks that your folks seem to be as ungrateful as they are.

Glad the surgery went well...Make sure you look out for YOU too!!!Your no help to anyone if you get down and out.

[Pam]

I know Sue but no one else will do this, except Kara.

[Smoke]

Hmmm..Maybe WE are the ones with the missing chip!

[fish]

a story:

sitting in the dining room with the sibs, talking about the "stuff"

there was a lot of valuable stuff and all the stuff had sentimental value.

a lot of stuff.

"all i want is some of the silver, some of the art, some of the jewelry, so i can have things to give to your children when they marry so they can say that they got some of their grandparents' things from their uncle."

i asked for nothing in particular.

and that's what i got.

nada, zilch, zip.

well, i did get a banjo clock.

so i understand.

it's not the stuff.

[ejoyce]

Oh I have been there too Pam. I am the one who was here through my mother's illness and my father going blind, his multiple surgeries selling his house and moving to a senior living facility. My reward will not be on this earth.

[Smoke]

Well looks like we have all been in the same boat at one time or another.

Yes Fish it's never about the $$$...but they all seem to crawl out of the woodwork.

I've told you guys the story of my hug from my Mom...that hug is worth more to me than any "Stuff" my Mom ever had.

[Pam]

Sue, I know Ive told you this before, but sitting here crying about Ry right now so going to mention it again. Seems our lives cross in so many ways. I got that hug from Ryan, a week before he was killed. Inside, I knew it felt different, I just didn't know why.

I was with my dad one time about 2 weeks ago. We were sitting in the car waiting for the dog who was at the groomers. He was talking about his childhood, things I never knew about. Stories I've never heard. This is when I thank God for technology and the presence of mind to turn on my recorder. I now have something far better than my moms statue of Mary or cedar chest, or my dads bible...it is a recording I will treasure forever. I didn't tell him I was recording him so he wouldn't feel like he had to script it.

We are a very small little group but I learn so much from all of you. Your words help me in so many ways. Fish, the words you wrote to me after Ryan died, that Sue so thoughtfully put on mugs for me. I read them all the time. When things are bad I read them, they help me see that soon the waves will calm, that I will have time to catch my breath...and you were right fish, those times I have to catch my breath do come more often now.

And Eileen, you are so right. All the "stuff" will mean nothing when we leave this earth and are reunited with all our loved ones.

Sometimes you just need people to help you see why you are doing what you are doing.

I still may be back for another dose

Thanks guys

[fish]

ask him for the good stories and tell him that you are going to record them so his children's children will be able to hear the family history told by him.