I think this is what feeling good feels like

[Pam]

I think its been about 7 years 1 month and 2 days since I can say I've actually felt really good. Got about 2.5 hours of sleep last night. Was in the shower around 315am, made my bed, read for a bit and around 530 after a few attempts at sleeping I decided to do my cardio for the day. Then I lifted this afternoon. I'm not the least bit tired and just feel good and you know, I can honestly say I think I forgot how that feels. The best part, I'm allowing myself to feel good knowing that this is what Ryan has waited for.

Really have been thinking a lot about what you said fish about not dwelling on "the day". It's a struggle but I'll take this small victory.

I do, though, miss that boy every second of every day.

[fish]

I have had, I think we all have had, many, many incidents in our lives that make us sad and depressed.

Some are big. Most are small.

Imagine that each of these incidents left a sort of a demon behind to torment us with the memory of the incidents.

Imagine that some of the demons are big, and most are small.

I can deal with the small ones.

I think.

Imagine that the small ones hide inside the big one to make it bigger.

I have to make sure that these unhappy things don't gang up on me.

A big enough bundle of twigs is as hard to break as a log.

Break them out, break them down.

They'll never go away, but i can fight them one at a time.