Fish

[Pam]

In a previous post you said to me:

"I do have some serious ideas, but they may not be applicable in your situation, so I won't go there. I will say that they have to do with the unpredictable effects of destructive stress ."

When you have time....go there.

[fish]

It is too bad that one is almost forced to use the phrase body-mind connection because of the general misunderstanding of the word psychosomatic. But whichever term you choose, the concept is that there is a relationship between the emotional states and physical systems.

I think it is a gross oversimplification to relate the effects of stress to only one of the measurable stress-induced changes in the body, but an example is found at:

www.thefactsaboutfitness.com/research/whey_stress.htm

There are so many other examples of uncontrollable and undesirable physical reactions to emotional stress. Migraine and Herpes Zoster (shingles) come immediately to mind.

And how about the universally known fact that if in an attempt to loose weight, one reduces caloric intake below a certain level, or if too much weight is lost too quickly, the metabolism will slow dramatically thereby making additional weight loss much more difficult.

So sometimes the stress has effects which we can characterize as the body’s attempt to defend itself, but at other times stress can be related to the destruction of the system.

Cancer for example.

I believe that little is known about all this, but there is enough to draw the conclusion that the causal relationship is real.

I believe that the water is very deep here. I don’t think that there is a simple answer as in “Do this and be relieved of your stress and its effects.”

I take that back. I do believe there is an answer, but it is not simple. One has to find the means of channeling the stress through and out. And the time to implement the means.

Exercise is a partial means. I am also enthusiastic about meditation. Effective meditation can take many forms.

I feel uncomfortably preachy here, Pam.

There is a mountain of information on the web. I have gone to Google advanced search engine and tried a number of key word searches. The hits will keep me reading for some time. When I get some good stuff, you may find it mixed in on the board.

But as of now the bottom line for me is this, for over 25 years in my professional practice I have dealt with many hundreds of people who were experiencing extreme emotional stress. I believe that I can fairly state that the effects of stress are unpredictable, that they are expressed in many divergent ways, and that they include the inability to loose weight despite sub 1000 cal diets as well as the inability not to loose weight despite multimega cal intake.

I do not know the exact mechanism, but I am convinced that it is related to stress.

Peace

[fish]

one more thing.

I have shared vicariously the experience of many mothers through divorce.

It is my job to be sure that they know the areas of potential vulnerability so that they can either be confident that they can take care of those things, or so that we can make a plan to acquire the resourses - not only financial - which will make them comfortable and confident that they can take care of those things.

My point is that I may have some idea of what these women face.

It is often my job to advise them not to minimize their situation. I know that there is a tendency to do so.

"I pride myself on being able to handle just about anything thats thrown at me..."

Good ! But I make a point of advising them not to minimize the stress attendent to the situation because I have so often witnessed what I believe to be the destructive effects of that stress.

I tell them to be careful while they dice the onions for sauce because this is the time that they will cut themselves.

Best wishes,

fish

[Pam]

Hey fish, sorry its taken me so long to get back to this. I do know that stress can show itself in many ways. I am once again sick and I rarely get sick, and I do believe it is directly related to the stress I have been under lately...which has been worse than usual.

"One has to find the means of channeling the stress through and out. And the time to implement the means." I couldnt agree more..and that is what I am attempting to do.

As for divorce, I dont think I am minimizing anything. I know I need to expect the worst and expect that he will do exactly the opposite of what he says he will. I am trying to get all my ducks in a row before I do anything....I'm just hoping I dont go crazy during that process. I usually can handle things better..and I hate letting people see I'm not...its a sign of being weak...something I dont want to be, mentally or physically. I want to be ready for any attack thrown at me be it mental or physical.

Thanks for the time you took to respond. I really apprecaite it.

[fish]

Pam,

Please put “I think that” and/or “I believe that” in each of the sentences below. While I have some reading and some anecdotal knowledge on this subject, I’m no expert.

That having been said :

My clients don't minimize the fact of the stress that goes with divorce. They can see that for sure. What they do tend to minimize is the fact of the effects of the stress.

People rarely have stress levels raised as far and as fast and for so long as in a divorce situation. People rarely have that much poison spiked into their system.

Most people are not aware of the very real biochemical changes which occur under stress.

Most people are not aware of just how toxic stress can be, and in just how many seemingly unrelated ways that toxicity can express itself.

People take injuries under these circumstances. People have accidents. People gain weight. People loose weight. People get headaches. People break out in rashes. People get Irritable Bowel Syndrome. People have mood swings which seem almost bi-polar. People get sick.

And then people become distressed with themselves because of the effects of the poison. They say things like: "What's wrong with me ?" or "I usually can handle things better..and I hate letting people see I'm not...it’s a sign of being weak..."

I call Meadow Muffins on that !!!

What's wrong with them is that they are under such total systemic stress. They are not thereby diminished as persons.

It is not a sign that one is weak as a pejorative if one is knocked down by this poison. Rather it is a sign that one is not conditioned to it.

If I were to suggest that I hate to let people see the limits of my strength in a new weight lifting program, you might point out that I was not being fair to myself. My muscles, you might say, need time to be conditioned to the new stresses. And then you might caution me about the risk of injury if I were to attempt too much too fast.

To mix in another metaphor, if I wanted to acquire an immunity to a poison, I might introduce small amounts into my system over time. - Like our hero in the Princess Bride. But if I take too much too fast, I fall over dead, - Like the villain in that wonderful movie.

So I say that it is not fair to expect to be able immediately to tolerate these insults to the system.

And furthermore, it is of prime importance is not to characterize oneself in the negative. This only adds to the stress in a destructive spiral.

I tell my clients that it is important for them to have someone to whom they can talk without that person viewing my client’s life as some sort of a participatory soap opera.

My clients don’t need to be fired up, they need to be able to release the pressure, to pour out the poison.

They need someone to listen sympathetically, not necessarily to talk.

I don’t put too stock in personal counseling, but for my clients, often now is the time, if only to have someone they can vent to therapeutically.

I hate to see anyone go through this. After a time, I’ve heard from so many of my clients that they regret so much of their suffering as unnecessary, although possibly unavoidable.

Keep the faith

[Pam]

Hey fish, sorry I didnt get back to this one for so long. I think you're right about minimizing the effects of stress, or maybe its just one not understanding the effects it can have...I think I am seeing this first hand.

I do have a couple people I talk to....but I dont like dumping on others...I never really let it all out...it would hurt too many people.

Anyway, thanks for your responses, I appreciate you taking the time to write them.

My mottos during this time: what doesnt kill you makes you stronger....and pain is weakness leaving the body...a quote I heard for the first time from our beloved ex-governor..and thank god we can put an "ex" in front of his name!

You know now that I think about...I should be able to bench a lot more if those sayings are true!

Thanks fish