IMPORTANT

[jack]

I just heard from Pam and she was admitted to the hospital last night. She's been released but has to have a MRI tomorrow. Today,they ran Cat scans,EKG's and all those other G's and dismissed the possibility of a heart attack. There is still the possibility of a TIA but we'll just have to wait until the MRI results come back. The doctors seem to think her problem is stress related so let's say some prayers for Pam and keep her in our thoughts.

[Smoke]

Thanks for the info Jack, was starting to worry about her, hadn't heard from her in a couple days.
Pls keep us posted.

[jack]

Will do,hopefully Pam will be back on tomorrow to let you know the details. In the meantime if I here anything else I'll pass it on. She specifically asked me to let you know what was happening.

[Smoke]

Thx, Pam means alot to me.

[Pam]

Hey guys. Thanks for letting everyone in on what was going on Jack.

I just wanted to pop in real quick and say hi. I go in for an MRI to rule out the stroke theory tomorrow. To say I'm extremely claustrophopic is an gross understatement so I'm going in for an open sided one but will still need some good drugs for that. They tried to talk me into going into the closed one but I told them if I wasnt having a heart attack or stroke I certainly would by the time I got out. No amount of sedation short of putting me out could get me in one of those.

Anyway, I am sure its stress. Tim was being a real jerk this week about the divorce and I think it just hit me all at once. It was scary as hell I can tell you that. My left leg started to feel weak then my left arm, then they got really cold and thats when I started to panic. We attempted to drive in but by the time I got 3 blocks away it was really bad. So Ryan called 911 and we had 3 squad cars...lights and sierns...a fire rescue truck, some other white truck and the ambulance....gave the neighborhood quite a show.

Never in my life did I think I'd call an ambulance. I know these guys because I'm a neighborhood block captain. Not sure if that had anything at all to do with the fact that the first squad car was there within minutes of Ryans call. And aside from them almost dropping me off the stretcher they did a great job of calming me down.

Still scary as heck to know that stress can do all that to your body....I am assuming they wont find that I've had a stroke tomorrow. I have orders not to work for at least a week, to stop lifting heavy for awhile and to just take the treadmill slow...after a week off. And you can bet your a** I'm going to listen.

So thats it...I am exhausted. Didnt sleep much at all and when I finally did fall asleep the nurse came in. Then I somehow pulled my IV out...and that took forever to get back in...all in all not a day or night I want to ever repeat.

And just to let you know all tests have come back good. They did an ultrasound of my carotid arteries, an EKG, an echo cardiogram and a CAT scan...all good.

I'm guessing I will feel like a whole new person once this divorce is final...actually it will be better once he is out of the house.

I'll let you know what they find tomorrow...I go in at 7:30 am to get drugged up...should be a nice break in my day.

Talk to you soon guys.

[jack]

Pam,thanks for the update.....bet you looked real cute in that hospital gown. You know who invented that garment.....Seymor Butts.....yeah I know it's corny,but maybe it made you smile. Hang in there girl,we're with you and so are our prayers.

[Pam]

That was good...Ryan liked it....Tanner will love it. Kara just gave you one of her famous looks....that pretty much said it all.

[jack]

I thought you were supposed to be resting!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fish]

One of the most frustrating aspects of my professional life has been watching so many people go through so much very real, very useless, very unavoidable angst.

If there were only some way not to think about it all until six months after it was over, there would be much less pain.

Oh I know that it is easy to say and hard to do, but just get the kid healthy, get yourself healthy, and don’t worry about the rest. It will all work out. And later on, if you are like so many I have known, you will be ruefully shaking your head that you suffered so much over these things.

Keep the faith.

[jack]

Fish,my sentiments exactly. I hate to ask you this but I accidentally deleted your post to me in the off topics category.....I know it's asking a lot but if you could repost some of your ideas,I'd be most grateful. If you can't,I do understand. Thanks.

[fish]

Just got your message.

I'll post it back up maybe tomorrow.

In the meantime, in many of these situations, one of the parties is like north korea, so to speak. They seem to agree, but then make changes in demands.

The answer is to schedule the case for contested hearing.

I mean, just what is the chance that any reasonable Judge is going to wind up very far from what any reasonable person is asking for anyway ?

And getting jerked around is just too emotionally expensive.

Get the clerk of courts to schedule the case for hearing. If no settlement is reached between now and the hearing date, let the judge decide.

Don't be afraid. The way things are going, what have you got to lose ?

fish

[fish]

It is foolish to get a divorce without at least consulting with a lawyer. Divorce may be unpleasant, lawyers may cost money, but would you try to drill your own teeth ?

That said, here is a very broad, general - hell, it is almost useless - answer to your question.

Agreements in uncontested divorces will usually be accepted by a court unless the agreement is manifestly unfair to either of the parties or that it is not in the best interests of the child(ren). The parties may expect inquiry by the hearing officer.

The agreement should allocate responsibility for marital debt and other marital liabilities, and divide marital assets, including interests in pensions and retirement plans, between the parties. This entire area can be complex generally, and in particular, the wording of an order which will be effective to establish one spouse’s interests in the other spouse’s retirement plan or pension may be somewhat technical.

With regard to assets, different jurisdictions have different rules. Never assume that a spouse does not have a claim against any asset of the other spouse. This can be complex.

The agreement should address spousal support. This can be complex.

IF THERE IS ANY INDICATION THAT EITHER SPOUSE SUFFERS FROM ANY MENTAL OR PHYSICAL AILMENT, SPOUSAL SUPPORT BECOMES A MAJOR ISSUE.

Agreements as to children should address parental rights an responsibilities; the child’s primary physical residence; child support

Parental rights include decision making authority. This can assigned solely to one of the parents, shared by both parents, or allocated between the parents. The presumption is that it should be shared and most judges will want to know the reason for any other arrangement.

Primary physical residence is the household where the child will spend most of the child’s time. This is usually the district where the child will go to school. This is the parent who usually will get the tax benefits unless other agreements as to the tax benefits are spelled out in the agreement. On occasion the physical residence is shared or divided between the parties. This may be difficult to do if the parties live in different school districts.

Child support usually includes base support amount, child care expenses, and medical expenses. Child support sometimes includes other expenses. Child support is generally determined by formula. The gross income of the parties is added, the child support amount is arrived at by reference to a table tied to gross income, and the percentage of the total child support is determined by each parent’s percentage of the gross income. eg Mother has 60 K income, father has 40 K income equals 100 K total with mother earning 60 % of total. Table says that 100K child support amount is 20 K. Mom pays 60 % of 20 K and Dad pays 40 % with money running to parent who provides primary physical residence.

Child contact and visitation language can be general, eg “all reasonable and appropriate at all times and places” or extremely specific.

There should be language in both the parties’ agreement and the court’s order to the effect that the agreement has been made part of the order. There are technical ramifications to this language which make the agreement survive any defect or alteration in the order which I will not attempt to address here.

In a divorce, if there is no agreement, then do not fight. Agree to let the judge decide.

THE GUIDING PRINCIPLE IS DO NOT FIGHT FOR THE SAKE OF FIGHTING, DO NOT SURRENDER FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE.

But do not get upset, if the jerk won’t agree to your perfectly reasonable proposal, don’t argue with him. That’s what he wants, and don’t forget, that’s why you’re getting a divorce in the first place.

Just go to court and let the judge decide.

And if you have a lawyer who is running up charges negotiating a deal, tell that lawyer to get a court date. If there is no settlement by then, let the judge decide. A deal is no good if it costs you more to make than you get, and many cases will only be resolved “on the courthouse steps.”

Questions, anyone ?

[jack]

Thanks Fish....I'll be sure not to delete this one